Because I started my inventory and came 'round to something I've come 'round to before... I need to live in the moment a great deal more and do less daydreaming. How do you DO that? I learned long ago to live in the future and in my dreams and in books to escape the tedium of everday life, but now have lost my ability to live here and now - and I think that's what I need to do to strike a balance.
I beat myself up for not being more "Martha". I'm the gal who would love to sit like Mary but who guilts herself into going into the kitchen... I think I need to be more respectful to my real self there.
We've talked quite a lot on this blog about Heaven etc. One of the places I'm really off balance is that I either tend to put my hopes on something/someone in this world (and then get them crushed) or I completely live for the day of homecoming to the point I long for release, and just sit there and "Mary" out to it. Not good, either way! The only way I can see out is to be in the now and work with what I've got today. To just "be here" and enjoy the laughter and feel the pain, and leave my hopes to Him and not dwell on them (very similar to what you've said you do). Hope terrifies, yet I clutch it.
And, in that spirit, today and tomorrow are "Martha" days for me as I need to prepare for our Thanksgiving and for not feeling well for a few days. Off I go!
