God says, "Do X" and then we obey Him? (Or we try, anyhow). He says, "Don't do X" and we don't? Second-guessing God is a bad idea, IMO.
My church follows the same scriptural principals with regards to female preachers that yours does. The exception seems to be that women are allowed to teach (as opposed to preach) and are encouraged to do so, with other women. A woman teaching a group of 5oo other women is hardly a mouse in the corner, and yet that's very standard in my denomination. As for women when there are no men to step up? Well, again - they're not in authority over men, so what of it? And once a man does step up... they retire gracefully. (In theory). I don't quite know why this is the way it is, but I really think this is important. Some of it might be the nature of males and females... not that females aren't capable, far from it. My thinking is that males more easily follow and respect another male, and a female led church would soon become a female ONLY church. It's one of those areas where I'm content to follow God and find out why when we get to Heaven (and yes, I do want to know why).
As for disqualified male preachers - siiiiiiiiiiigh. Oh sure. We need to go through and clean out the flock in a big way. I've been in two churches that have lost preachers through immorality. And they hurt, but they get rid of them. Since you toss out the big names - did you know Billy Graham spent his whole life, never letting himself be alone with any woman other than his wife or daughters, not in a meeting, not anywhere - lest he be tempted and fall? We need more men like that!
There's two ways to look at pastors. One is "preachers" - who wants to listen to "do as I say, not as I do"? For pastors - they do need to know how to lead a family, it's as you said - so there's no skeletons in their closets - but also it's practical experience in how to lead a church. If you can't shepherd your family, how will you shepherd your church family?
"Important" sins and "unimportant" sins: I think, again, that this is a zero sum game. The only reason that I can see homosexuality as a more "important" sin is that at this time it's become a lifestyle. Very rarely do people marry their bottle of gin and adopt children... "Lifestyle sins" keep you from grace, simply because you know you'll have to give them up when you take Jesus in your heart. Even if you have to lean on Him to do it... you know He's going to ask you to. Other than that? Sin is sin is sin. And my failure to stay on a diet is just as sinful as murdering your neighbor. This is the essence of why we need a Savior - no one of us is holy or perfect enough to enter Heaven. I'd agree with the classicists - the #1 sin is pride. Whatever keeps you from realising your need for grace, whatever keeps you from Jesus - that's the #1 sin for you.
For myself - a struggle for me is the constant attempt to put too much faith in humans and withdraw my interest and faith and dependance from on High. I am.. very small and soft in my heart of hearts, and very willing to give myself over to love and obedience. That's a good thing, but I take it too far, and focus only on the human and not on God. One of the reasons I will be so happy to be in Heaven is that I will finally be able to relax and not second guess myself. No more "is this okay?". I won't be ABLE to worship anyone but Him. (And no sins of the flesh either, to which I am quite susceptible). So I constantly tip over from throwing myself at the feet of some man or hiding, hurt, at the feet of our Lord.
Good questions! :)
